Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
