watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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