I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
