just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
