Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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