Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize