she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
