It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
