thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
