Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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