I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
