i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
