He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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