saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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