The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
