Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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