and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
