White coat. Heels.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
