We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
