i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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