the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
