Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
