He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
