now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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