she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
