Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
