you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
