so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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