He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
