There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
