A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
