And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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