i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
