Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
