Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
