So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
