My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
