you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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