So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
