I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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