FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize