I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize