Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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