Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
