We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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