Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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