my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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