You just made me feel so damn special
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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