i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
