i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
