I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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