Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
