He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am spending my child support on dildos
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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