He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
