my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You left your phone here
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