So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
