Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
