Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
