The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
