My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
